Another year is upon us, this time it's 2019. Three things are certain almost every year now in our existence: The New England Patriots will be in the playoffs, Donald Trump will do something embarrassing and Marvel Studios will release a film that makes so much money even the NFL and Donald Trump are impressed. This brings us to today, with the new trailer release of the 21st entry in the Marvel Cinematic Universe, Captain Marvel. Or in sequel language, the twentyfirstquel in the franchise. Considering there are only really seven basic plots a major franchise film can encompass (given the global audience restrictions of culture and language barriers) what could this latest marvel film have that we haven't seen before?
The answer? Maybe it's not necessary because Marvel stopped making original films a long time ago. And we can't really blame them because of how successful they've been.
This isn't the only cinematic franchise that's guilty of this. Given Kevin Feige and his insane track record of success, this post will end up in the bottom of the internet under the "Marvel hater" section while he goes on to another monstrous global hit. So be it. But when watching this newest trailer, I can't help but laugh at the amount of films that "influenced" this Captain Marvel trailer and how Marvel treats its audiences like elementary schoolers. Watch the trailer then let's discuss.
Okay, watched it? Great. Here are my takeaways in chronological order of the trailer:
-The opening line is Samuel L. Jackson telling us who the bad guy is, because instead of actually showing us a new villain character with depth, we're just told who to root against right away. Who has time for showing people anything when you can just tell people up front what to think so they don't have to do it themselves?
-Immediately after this line, Samuel L. Jackson tells us exactly who Captain Marvel is by asking her a question that he already knows the answer to. 22 seconds into the trailer and the whole movie has been spoiled.
-Cut to Marvel music and logo to show how rich they are.
-Insert Annette Bening here saying some lines that really make no sense, but we go with it anyways because it's Annette Bening.
-Captain Marvel talks about how she has memories of a former life, only to find out that she was in the original Top Gun.
-Samuel L. Jackson pops back up as his older self from Pulp Fiction trying to keep up with Captain Marvel's powers, because if he's amazed we all are.
-Then after being amazed by Captain Marvel flying on the side of the train, he asks her if she can fly a helicopter normally. Insert hilarity here.
-Insert "This March" montage of stock Marvel footage that could be from any other film in the franchise.
-Hey look, a villain shows up (that looks like a ripoff of Galaxy Quest and Star Trek) telling Captain Marvel that she's not who she thinks she is while pointing a gun from the video game Halo.
-Independence Day shot. Eagle 20, Fox 2!
-Lol, Jude Law is in this?
-Here come the taglines! Did you guys know everything begins?
-With her? Kind of cool actually.
-Whoops, they meant "With a hero." I get it! Nice touch there Marvel.
-Cut to the Star Trek villain saying "this war is just the beginning." This is the 21st marvel film, so please stop saying this is just the beginning even if these events take place before the other ones.
-More montage stuff, then cut to the title of the film.
-Don't forget, every Marvel trailer has something funny at the end. It makes no sense, but let's just have Samuel L. Jackson petting a cat and calling her cute because after all, we all love Samuel L. Jackson, cats and comic relief!
-One last thing, all this is in 3D and will be released one month before the next Avengers film and four months before the next Spiderman film.
In the end, this post will do nothing, while Marvel will release three films in 2019, collect a couple technical Oscars and rake in about $4 billion in one year alone. Happy New Year to everyone. If you're looking for a resolution, I got one for you. Like Marvel, don't forget to recycle.
-Casey LaMarca
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